I am writing because I want to learn how to feel emotion. It may sound strange but that’s it. I am incapable of reading situation and act according to the situation, especially funeral and broken-hearted cry baby. I don’t know how to act like one who cares.. I do care, but I just don’t have this body language ability to do it properly. which is sucks.
for 4 years, I learnt a lot about psychology of human being through textbooks. I found it to be an amusing subject to myself. however, It is not to be treated as subject, but more like companion… I didnt know.
Now I have to learn more about it because I was struck by the fact that I couldn’t write a story recently.. the thing is : I don’t know how to end a story. Every scenario or script needs an end, either it is dead of the character, or hanging, leaving clue to audience about what happen next.. or main character just disappear, or it will be happily ever after like cinderella. I can’t choose any. this is so pathetically painful.
I love to observe what people are doing. Sometimes I can read their mind. It’s true. I know what they are thinking or feeling. However, it is like sitting in the classroom as student of boring math subject, I keep staring without actually taking a note or throwing question. Which is weird.
Yesterday, my little sister cried. She came to my room, and started crying. I feel sympathy for her. but I stunned for a while and did nothing. What am I supposed to do? That question been bugging me for few minutes. Then I decided I had to hug her, which is probably the most acceptable way of calming down someone. However when I hugged her, I didnt feel anything. Which is sucks.
Then, I began writing last night about how awful of a writer I’ve been. I could start a story with notorious and marvelous idea. love story, tragedy, anything you can name. but when it comes to middle part, when characters had to grow and develop emotion toward other character, I was disconnected. I couldnt write for no reason. I can’t think of a reason why I can’t continue the development of character. It should not be disconnected because I didnt disconnect. Something has cut off my power cord.