4 a.m

It’s almost 4 a.m and I’m still trying to figure out what to do with this page.

Reconditioning situation when your brain is wired to world of creativity, detached from reality into some kind of mystical absurd realm where words are hitting you anywhere you want without great effort, is tough. I saw some TED Talks about creative process, but still couldn’t apply to myself. For instance, I used to make poetry almost every single days (Yeah, long ago) and I kinda wished that my shakespeare brain was active all the time. However it did not come out as I expected. I just had to accept the fact that “owright.. that realm is an open-and-closed private facility and now it’s temporarily closed”. I miss those old days. Perhaps now I am not as crazy as I was few years ago.

5 years have passed and I understand one thing : I’m still poetry kind of gal. I write poems better than script (or this is just my excuse). It occured to me that I’m not very good at writing long narrative sentences. I like straightforward words, which are –yeay short– and honest. I really want to write 200 pages novel one day,which I think requires practice, but I don’t like to finish a story. Weird, huh? That’s why I love absurd things.

However I can always finish a poem. Somehow, creating an end in a poem is less painful for me that it is for a novel. I’m not sure how shakespeare did that, but he wrote a play containing series of poems from top to bottom. Not everybody can enjoy it. It didn’t ring a bell in my head how he did it. I was always thinking, he did enter another realm and brought back everywords possible then scratched them in paper. I imitated for few years. Then here I am, back in unproductive state.


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