After Rain

After the rain, I saw you walking away from me

I saw you shrugging, holding your tears

I saw everyone were embracing you, encouraging you

I knew I wasn’t gone in vain

After the rain, I saw you playing

sometimes you stopped for a moment as if

you were missing someone.

I knew you felt some emptiness in your heart

I can feel it

After the rain, I saw you grow

stronger, tougher, brighter

you are reaching your school year

you are learning fast

you are getting better at everything

you are always smiling

you are happy

After that heavy rain, I am still here

taking form of anything just to be with you

I do want to grow with you

Dear Azka, after the rain

I see you. Always


In memoir of  my late friend, a great colleague and devoted mother


Day 1

Spirit, as they called it. It fills your body, warm, transparent, untouchable, but you can feel it. It doesn’ have to be always warm, sometimes it can be cold. Tonight, I’m searching my spirit. If polarity can be changed, so be it. I am too much occupied by the breeze, my spirit grew cold. I didn’t even feel my heart thumping. I was mechanized. Which is why I started this journey. I supposed to continue my journey on which point I have stopped. I have stopped growing, I am stuck. Nobody is to blame. That was pathetic choice, as If I have no control whatsoever to my brain. I was mutinized because I denied every single electricity that stuns my heart, my creativity, my soul and my spirit. This electricity had kept me awake at night, whispering every second to my nerve, to revive my dead brain cells. I should have know that I’m dead. BRAIN DEAD. Nothing can revive me except me and my subconscious mechanism which have been wandered restlessly. You either have your spirit or you are a zombie. I’m definitely dying now, but I don’t want to be a zombie. Hail to all CPR and survival attempt, I am going back to full consciousness, higher mentality, obliged moral, and full human.

– day 1 @ a cafe –